about to cross the line

Over the last two weeks, I've been pretty quiet on this blog. My in-laws have been in town, and I've just been maintaining - not continuing to make progress, but not doing damage. At first, I considered this a success of sorts. But then my Dad, who is also my virtual weight-loss buddy, had this simple line in his email, "everyone supports you losing weight. It's great that you are maintaining, but we've got work to do!"

Simple as that, and as true as the day is long. (I know that's not the saying, but I've made a change, ok?)

So I've been trying to make progress again the last few days, really hard, to get downward movement on the scale. Otherwise, all this running I'm doing is being wasted on simply maintaining my weight with the extra indulgences I've been having. There will be times where I have genuine plateaus, but this is not one of them.

While my next 'goal' is of course my next 5 lbs goal, a little unofficial, but nonetheless exciting goal for me is breaking into the 160s. Over the past two years, I've occasionally lost 5-8 lbs or so on various diets, but I never got into the 160s. I got into them before my wedding on weight watchers, but gained it all back after.


Needless to say, crossing this line will be hugely exciting for me, even if its not one of my weight goals.

Over the last week, I gained a lb, then lost it, then dropped to 170.8. Then today, my official weigh in day, I was 170.2... That's just so close it hurts! I'm still happy with more downward movement, but any day now, I expect to break that barrier.

You will know when I do, you'll probably hear me jumping up and down and dancing naked in my bathroom, halfway around the world.

why business class isn't vacation

When I first took on the regional role at my company, I was based in Beijing and covering Asia Pacific. The first six to nine months were filled with travel, as I made my way to different offices in the region meeting people and press. Going from a network where the blessing of God could hardly grant you travel approval, this was a whole new culture to me.

At first it was exciting, business class, five-star hotels, corporate credit cards, etc. While I've always been very careful and never taken advantage of this, what it means is that you are pampered the entire time. Your hotel has complimentary happy hour, breakfast buffets, you're in a business class lounge at the airport with food and free-flow drinks and your hotel room often comes with complimentary wine.

a Westin Hotel buffet

Let me be clear, business trips are a LOT of work. You tend to work longer hours than you do at home, you are running around meeting clients or in my case, press. You are also trying to squeeze in as much as you can - so there is a reason that companies try to make it as comfortable as possible - you are exhausted!

Despite an ability to wake up early, I almost never have the chance to enjoy the hotel pool or gym, or even go out to eat outside the hotel. But I have taken my blackberry to the hotel breakfast buffet and my laptop to the free happy hour (if I'm not in the office still).

After the first few business trips, I learned an important lesson. Business trips are NOT vacation. And you shouldn't act like they are. Mentally, something happens when you're in a nice hotel and flying business class, you start to feel like you're allowed to indulge. But this is not a holiday, its a Tuesday and you're working.

Luckily, most hotel buffets offer the same spread, and I know what I'm having before I arrive. I'm not tempted by all the options anymore. There are plenty of healthy things, from fresh fruit, salad bars, sashimi and fresh steamed seafood.

The reason you haven't heard from me in a week is not because I've fallen off the wagon, its because I was on a business trip in Dubai last week, and was averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night. Despite promising myself that I would soak in the bathtub (we don't have one at home), I didn't even have time to do that!

But don't worry, I wasn't vacationing, so my healthy living continued on (save for one night where I had a few too many! But who's perfect all the time?)

one objective, two goals

Obviously my main objective is to lose the weight, and get back to a healthy size. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that carrying excess weight in your waist is the most dangerous kind of weight gain.

That's always been where I've gained it, quickly followed by my face/chin.

Some people gain in their thighs and butts, I hate these people. They're called pear-shaped. I would like to call them 'people who can work it'. Pear shapes can, in most cases, easily cover their weight fluctuations in nice skirts, as a thin face and tiny waist, overall, make you look thin.

Not me, my face gives itself away - in fact, it probably makes me look even heavier than I am. I've seen people who have 200 lbs to lose, who have a tight chin, and you'd be amazed how you automatically think they are thinner than they are.

Let's just say, with a big midsection and face, I'm not 'wearing it well'. There's really not much one can do to hide the midsection. Flowy tops make you look pregnant, empire waists do the same.

So while it sounds vain, my sole objective is to lose the weight.

But I have two goals...

1. Eat Better - by this I mean to eat better more often but not 'diet'. I don't want this to be a temporary thing, I don't want to yo-yo. In the past few years, I've lost 10 lbs on the low GI diet, then gained it back. 20 lbs on weight watchers, then gained it back. I just can't mentally be on a diet the rest of my life. But, I am willing to count calories and be aware of what I'm eating, and compensate for certain allowances by being extra good before/after.

2. Get in Shape - I don't just want to shrink down, I want to build muscle and improve health through stamina and exercise. I want to be a runner, I want to get back into tennis, and I want to just be more active overall.

I've always been moderately active (gym a couple times a week) and I eat pretty well. I think its just not often enough, and not consistent enough. Most importanlty, I've never really gotten the two things working at the same time. I've either dieted, but was so hungry or too afraid to be hungry, to really incorporate exercise. Or, I've exercised and therefore felt like I was burning more calories so could eat more - only maintaining my weight at best.

You can see I have created a reward system for myself on this blog, to the right column. I've done a system according to weight loss goals, but also to fitness goals.

This is what I'm doing - the Couch to 5K Running Plan. Check it out here. http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

I'm starting at week 2, as I already do some running. Just did my first run yesterday, and it was good. Easy enough to make me want to go again today, instead of quit.

I plan to weigh in weekly, to track my progress on a weekly basis. Of course, I no doubt will weigh in between on occasion, but its crazy to hold yourself to daily fluctuations. Once I find my tape measure - I'll use that as a tool too. One thing I learned in WW was how important measuring becomes, as sometimes you don't lose weight, but you lost inches, which is as important.


So, here we go....

the ugly truth

I'm not a big person, really. I'm a small person trapped in a big person's body.

Seems like I may have heard that somewhere before...

Anyway, it's true! I've always been thin, active and relatively healthy. I struggled with weight to a normal degree in college, gaining the Freshman 15 30, and losing it by Junior year. Gaining some back partying senior year, and losing it after graduation. After that, I was pretty much at a healthy, manageable weight for me, and that is what I would like to get back to.

This was me then, 2005 @ 135lbs. I need to lose 50 lbs to get back to this healthy weight.

Let me be clear, this is NOT the weight that I was in highschool, and I don't have some unrealistic expectation. In fact, I enjoyed the first 10 lbs I gained after highschool, and I was grateful for the curves that came with them. I was a size 4 in highschool, without trying. I loved being a 6, and even the early days of being an 8 (before the midsection became disproportionate).

When I tell people I need to lose 50 lbs, they politely say 'you're crazy!' or 'you don't have that much to lose! There'd be nothing left'. But these people didn't know me before, so its hard for them to know the dramatic change that has occured in the last five years.

This is me now.
Ok ok, that is probably my worst photo ever taken. Of course I could show you ones where I'm hiding it better, but that's not the point of this blog. This is the ugly truth. This is my double chin and my baby belly that hasn't gone back where it belongs (before you say 'oh but you had a baby' or some other unhelpful excuse, my 'baby' is turning 4 this year!). Even worse, in a day and age when we are used to watching people shed hundreds of lbs on the biggest loser, 50lbs hardly seems like a lot. But it is. In fact, for my height it puts me in the 'obese' category. And I'll be the first to tell you I don't consider myself obese, but maybe our views are so skewed by how large society has gotten...

So there it is. I'm at 181.6 lbs and ready to shed.

Feel free to encourage me when I need the push, call bull-shit if I start dishing it, and share your anecdotes, successes and challenges with me.

I hope to have more than just my parents (who live halfway around the world!) rooting for me here. So bring it on.