the ugly truth

I'm not a big person, really. I'm a small person trapped in a big person's body.

Seems like I may have heard that somewhere before...

Anyway, it's true! I've always been thin, active and relatively healthy. I struggled with weight to a normal degree in college, gaining the Freshman 15 30, and losing it by Junior year. Gaining some back partying senior year, and losing it after graduation. After that, I was pretty much at a healthy, manageable weight for me, and that is what I would like to get back to.

This was me then, 2005 @ 135lbs. I need to lose 50 lbs to get back to this healthy weight.

Let me be clear, this is NOT the weight that I was in highschool, and I don't have some unrealistic expectation. In fact, I enjoyed the first 10 lbs I gained after highschool, and I was grateful for the curves that came with them. I was a size 4 in highschool, without trying. I loved being a 6, and even the early days of being an 8 (before the midsection became disproportionate).

When I tell people I need to lose 50 lbs, they politely say 'you're crazy!' or 'you don't have that much to lose! There'd be nothing left'. But these people didn't know me before, so its hard for them to know the dramatic change that has occured in the last five years.

This is me now.
Ok ok, that is probably my worst photo ever taken. Of course I could show you ones where I'm hiding it better, but that's not the point of this blog. This is the ugly truth. This is my double chin and my baby belly that hasn't gone back where it belongs (before you say 'oh but you had a baby' or some other unhelpful excuse, my 'baby' is turning 4 this year!). Even worse, in a day and age when we are used to watching people shed hundreds of lbs on the biggest loser, 50lbs hardly seems like a lot. But it is. In fact, for my height it puts me in the 'obese' category. And I'll be the first to tell you I don't consider myself obese, but maybe our views are so skewed by how large society has gotten...

So there it is. I'm at 181.6 lbs and ready to shed.

Feel free to encourage me when I need the push, call bull-shit if I start dishing it, and share your anecdotes, successes and challenges with me.

I hope to have more than just my parents (who live halfway around the world!) rooting for me here. So bring it on.